I feel I should write something - let's see what happens...
I just found out that MCC has decided not to hire me for next season. I kinda saw it coming since some of my friends found out about their own statuses weeks ago, but it still stung to hear it officially.
Since I'm such a sentimental guy, I'm reflecting on my Montana experience with more than the usual nostalgia. The thought creeps up on me that I may never see some of those places/faces again. I'll miss walking a few blocks to the coffeeshops for internet, my sparsely decorated apartment, the cultural atmosphere of Bozeman, walking to and from Hasting's for movies/tv shows... ah... the clarity of the air matched only by the clarity of purpose: Clear this trail, close that trail, take out these weeds, remove these trees.
Somehow, moving 2000 miles to a place where I'd never been.. to live with people I'd never met... doing work I'd never done... at heights I'd never reached... in weather I'd never experienced... somehow, that was one of the best decisions I've ever made. I could hardly cook anything, and now I can fix breakfast outside. I'd never heard of a McLeod, but now I know how to use one to clear a trail. If I can climb mountains with East Coast lungs and befriend folks from various walks of life; if I can sleep on the ground, rise with the sun, work in the rain, bathe in a stream and even perform Poe by the fire; if I can carry 50 pounds on my back for two miles, then I can do anything. It's no longer a trite "inspirational" phrase to me; I genuinely believe I can do anything.
Now, time to impose my will on the next mountain: Finding a job.
I wrote this a few days ago in Starbucks, which I tried out because I'm searching for my new home for productive internet use. I have access at home, but I never seem to do what I need to do when I'm there; hence the search. Enjoy the spatterings of thought...
I never thought I’d breathe a sigh of relief after entering a Starbucks, but here I am, finding comfort with that green-circled goddess.
December 7, 2009:I officially am sick of living at home.I miss the unhurried streets of downtown Bozeman, the locally owned stores, the proximity of everything to everything else, the free bus system… Even more than these, though, I miss buying my own groceries and knowing exactly what’s in the cupboard, a comfortable place to relax, uncrowded by trivial possessions like beds and dressers and an overabundance of clothes.A place I can call my own.A place, in essence, to call Home.
If home is where the heart is, then my Home isn’t where I grew up; it’s somewhere in the wooded Appalachians or, dare I say it, out among the Rockies.At least, in the present time.For a while, my home was in the past with my college friends, 2002-2005.I’ve moved far enough now that my home is in the future.It’s still not Now.Fortunately, that means I can look forward to coming Home, instead of always missing it.
And so it seems Starbucks won’t let me use their internet unless I have a member card. *gag*I think my REI card would kick it out.Well, fair enough.I was just starting to like the place – cheaper prices than my usual stop in Bozeman – but now I have an excuse to dislike them again, along with the traditional bleeding-heart objections.
Just spotted a girl across the shop and thought, “Hey, she’s kinda cute.”Then I realized she was with her mother working on calculus.Ruh-roh…
I realized today that my hair style is straight out of the ‘80s.Need to fix that.
Google Chrome is the bomb.com.
Shorter non-sequitur.
Even shorter.
Shortest!
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So that's that. There's always more to add, but rarely time/will to add it. And yet I think I'll be posting more often. No promises, though.
I just left a lengthy comment on a friend's facebook page and was a bit pleased with the result of my efforts, so here it is: My thoughts on "Merry Christmas" vs. "Happy Holidays."
Regardless of our country's founding principles, not everyone celebrates Christmas. If I told a Jew "Merry Christmas," then he or she might easily be offended, just as I'd be a little put off if that same person wished me a Happy Hanukkah. To me, the most galling thing about the whole debate is the assumption by one party that everyone ought to celebrate one holiday and forget about the rest. Such an assumption lacks courtesy and respect. I'm fine with folks who devoutly celebrate Christmas - I used to be one of them. However, when devotion to one faith leads to dismissal and disrespect of the others, that faith has lost its beauty, like a stained glass window lying shattered in the mud. --- So there you have it. Regardless of which tradition you follow, I hope you have a wonderful holiday season.
I had a little fun with my facebook profile by changing the picture to an emo look and then posted an emo-like status, referring to this blog. Now, all I have is Strong Sad of homestarrunner.com to imitate for emo-ness, so I don't know how well I did. Really, I'm posting to reassure people I'm not really that depressed.
Otherwise, things are okay - not fantastic, not awful, just okay. Can't wait to see old friends at Wake, and I need to see my favorite mountains soon, but it's been good to be with my family and befriend a new cat.
I plan on giving those experiences the attention they deserve, but for now, chilling out in the concourse of Denver International, I'd like to focus on something more trivial. Like driving 750 miles or so from Bozeman to Denver because I wanna get home now and not wait another week.
Or the fact that the place to go in Bozeman if you want ethnic/lingual diversity is the bus system: in the last week, I've heard Russian, Farsi/Arabic, and Mandarin. In friggin' Montana! The state tied with Utah for whitest in the union, and Utah's got the excuse of Mormons.
I got on the bus from the rental car return station to the terminal today, and some guy was talking on his phone with a southern accent. I about hugged him. Didn't know I missed that drawl until I heard it again. It's funny, out here, there's a kind of twang that resembles a southern accent, but it's just not the same.
Oh, it took me 540 miles on my trip to see a cop, then another 150 until I got to the Denver area and saw others. Weird.
Last night at 7:30pm, it felt like midnight on the roads; not because I was especially tired, but because it was so dang dark and I was practically alone on the interstate.
Traveling 5mph over the speed limit out here makes you a speed demon (again, until you get to Denver). I was passed by a total of one car, and that was because we were on an on-ramp. I passed him (for good) a few minutes later.
After 600 miles at 80mph, 65mph feels like crawling.
Downtown Denver is a cool place - I toodled around for 30 minutes before heading to the airport, and I wish I could've gotten out of my car and explored on foot. The new Mile High Stadium is pretty impressive, too; looks a lot more imposing than Bank of America Stadium.
It's kinda funny that I've been to Denver's airport five times, but today was my first experience of the city.
I got stereotyped at the CO visitor's center. I told the lady I had a couple of hours to kill before turning in the rental car, and she started rattling off the breweries that were nearby. I was tempted to throw a fit just for kicks: "Just because I'm a 20-something male doesn't mean that I wanna go get buzzed! Besides, I've just told you that I'm driving! And then flying afterward! You want me to become more dangerous on the road and then be dehydrated for my flight back?!?! Hey, you're a lady in your 60s, why don't you find something better to do, like knit a sweater! And when you finish, make one for your dog, too." No, it doesn't upset me. Just something funny.
Okay, gotta pack up and mozy through security. Like I said, I'll be writing more soon.
A quick note from the Bozeman library: I'm alive and enjoying myself pretty well out here. Apologies for the lack of pictures, but my computer's been in the incompetent hands of HP for the last month. Ask me about that some other time over the phone, and I'll be happy to relate to you the whole story. Suffice it to say that I'm encouraging all my viewers/friends/relatives/acquaintances/strangers to buy their computers from someone other than HP, because quite simply, neither Hewlett nor Packard has a clue when it comes to computer repair.
Enough of that nonsense - hopefully I'll have my lappy back in the next week. Also in the "hopeful" catagory: I'll post pictures from the last few hitches. Unfortunately, my camera (second among my possessions in monetary value only to my laptop) has also decided to poop out for the time being.
Well, I'd better get a move-on. As much fun as it is out here, I'm beginning to suffer from NC withdrawal and may have to remedy it with *gasp* phone calls to friends since I can't carry a conversation via the internet. The horror, the horror!
PS - Just saw Apocalypse Now, which was the most thought-provoking movie I've seen in months; great stuff even though it's long and brooding.
...but guess what? I don't care; I got more to say! I know haters out there will be like, 'but dude, there's the edit post option!" Yeah, whatcha tryin' to say? That I should edit my posts? You sayin' my posts be flawed? You sayin' I make mistakes?
*calms down*
Seriously, a friend asked me about the average day and if I was happy, and when I was finished I thought I ought to share my musings with everyone else. Plus, it's pretty well written, if I do say so myself. So here 'tis...
As for the average day, this past trip was fairly consistent: Wake up at 6am, gather at 7am, hike along the trail until reaching a previously marked spot or a crew leader assigns me a task (like widen it with a pick/shovel, or dig a drainage pan for the water to leave the trail, or something similar). Then just keep going until about 5pm or so, with breaks around 10am, lunchtime, and 3pm. Then there's enough time to hike back to camp, eat dinner, and if the weather permits, have a fire as the light fades before crawling into the tent.
Of course, that summary leaves out all the wonderful vistas and wildlife sightings, not to mention the thrill of working outside doing manual labor. Am I happy? You bet your boots I'm happy. The biggest downer, among the wheezes of uphill climbing, aching muscles, muddy clothes and rainy nights, is that all this will come to an end in four short months. Now, that's not to say I didn't have the best shower/shave of my life (so far, anyway) after eight days of dirt and sweat. What I'm saying is that it's been less than five days since I arrived in civilization, and I can't wait to get back out there.
So there you have it. Two posts in one day. Savor the flavor, 'cause I'm departing the internet for nearly two weeks. Man, I'm feeling cocky today...
Kinda hard to believe I've already spent a month here, but that's thanks to a busy schedule: general training and crew assignments for the first week, then training with chainsaws in Yellowstone, then working on a youth camp outside Bozeman followed by helping build a playground in town, then eight days south of the Tetons with trail work, and that brings us to the present! One thing's for sure, I'll have to be diligent with my time off; it's too easy just to sit around like I have the last few days waiting for the next hitch instead of enjoying the sights/sounds/opportunities I have all around me.
A nugget of news! I just learned that we can have guests with us while we're on a hitch, so long as we give at least a couple weeks' notice. Hopefully I can get more information in July about when and where we'll be the rest of the summer, but just in case you're jonesin' for working outside with me and my crew, we can make it happen! Let me know if you're interested, and maybe we'll throw something together.
New topic... my crew is pretty much the best. I can be nerdy, goofy, and punny without fear of death threats; in fact, it's encouraged out here! Plus I've been mandated by one of my crew leaders to learn Disney songs so I can perform them while we're out in the wilderness without access to CD players and iPods. What a relief! Instead of feeling like I have to shut up, I'm told to sing more!
Yes, life is good here. Fondest wishes to you all!
Just a few things while I'm sitting here putting up pictures...
First, the South may have a reputation of being friendly, but here in Bozeman, the motorists are extremely courteous. I've already lost track of the number of times a driver has waved me across an intersection even though I'm a pedestrian and have a stop sign, no less!
The sun stays up soooo late here! It's now 9:30pm and just now getting dusky dark. Kinda crazy.
In the last week, I've visited caves and hot springs, watched the old Star Wars Trilogy, used chainsaws, circular saws, hammers, levels, shovels, wheelbarrows, pulaskis, buckets, axes, built fires and benches, climbed a fir tree about 50 feet tall, and danced a cachucha in my room. Just normal week.
Well, the pictures didn't work out... booooo. Guess I'll have to come back to the cafe this weekend, because Monday I'll be heading out for a ten-day hitch. Hope you're all doing well!
Hi, boys and girls! There's nothing like being on the internet! I thought I'd have access at my apartment, but there was a miscommunication between my roommate and his chosen internet provider, and then things got busy, and now I'm at a coffeeshop trying to post a bajillion things while talking to people and clearing out my inbox and acting on various causes and learning what's happening in the world and now I can't post the 100 photos I've already selected and written captions for and jiminy christmas I still have to buy groceries and do some prep work for tomorrow's meeting along with plan out what I want to do while I'm here and take care of some loose ends back in Winston-Salem and stay in touch with my friends and... and...
*collapse*
*deep breath*
*reboot*
I'm really enjoying my time out here - and I'm not being sarcastic; this trip has been great so far. Here are a couple of things I've written offline; first, from Monday, May 25:
Greetings from Bozeman!
After the usual frenzied packing on Saturday, I boarded a flight to Denver Sunday morning, enjoyed a leisurely four-hour layover in the Mile-HighCity, then endured a two-hour delay waiting for my flight to Bozeman.On the plus side, I ate my first meal from Panda Express – rather tasty – and discovered the fabulous photographs of Tom Mengelsen.His images of wildlife and landscapes stopped me in my tracks, and I couldn’t leave the store until I had seen every last one.
My room is a glorious mess without any furniture, and I can’t really justify getting anything for it since I’ll have to sell it in six months.Nothing like looking at a room and saying, “Wow, what this place needs is…” and then realizing that in six months that place will need emptying.LOh well.I’ll only be living in the apartment for two of the six months, in one sense.In case I hadn’t told you earlier, I’ll be out working in the wilderness for 8-10 days at a time, followed by 3-5 days off in Bozeman, so I’ll be spending about one day off for every two days on.Oh, and my new roommate and I seem to get along all right, which is a relief.I’m definitely looking forward to making new friends and getting familiar with this town.
Well, that’s about it for now.Tomorrow morning I head out for training and orientation, getting back sometime Thursday and finding out who are the other four members of my mini-crew along with my crew leaders and our general location/focus for our time here.After that, it’s off to the races!I’ll be sure to keep this thing updated as best I can, along with pictures on facebook.
Until next time, valete!
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And now, from last weekend:
The training this week was great, featuring CPR and first aid, plus making some new friends. I found out who my crewmatesare and what my schedule will be like yesterday, and I think it should be a great five months. We'll kick things off Monday when we head out to Yellowstone for some chainsaw training- yeah, that's right, I'm learning chainsaw skills from the fire crew at THE National Park. What up. Bring it.
Once I upgrade from n00b to bamf on the saw, I'll be traveling all over Montana hacking away at invasive species and clearing trails, pulling weeds and dodging bears with two extra trips into Yellowstone to help protect the historic buildings from wildfires and collect seeds. It's nice to know I'll be in bear country pretty much the whole time – one week I’ll even be hanging with the grizzlies.This trip is gonna be awesome.
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So, there you have it. Chainsaw training went well - we even saw a long bison 200 yards from where we were working - and I successfully used my new tent on the first try! And that was with rain, which mixed with snow early Tuesday morning! Work starts for real on Monday morning, when we'll head out to a youth camp for five days to clean it up for the summer kids.
Perhaps tomorrow I'll have better luck with the pictures... sigh.
Just a little fun fact I found: To walk from my apartment to the Montana Conservation Corps office in Bozeman, Google Maps suggests a route of 2,040 miles consisting of 562 turns, and it recommends a travel time of 27 days, 18 hours (dunno if that allows for sleeping). This route goes right by Chicago Mercy Hospital and Lake Michigan... and right through the South Side. *gulp* Too bad you can't click a button that says, "I'm a skinny pasty guy carrying all my possessions on my back."
As a side note, I've been hiking/weightlifting/running for the last week, and I'm already more fit than I've been in three years. I should go to Montana more often.
I'M GOING TO MONTANA WITH AMERICORPS FOR FIVE MONTHS!!! I START THREE WEEKS FROM TODAY!!!
Holy crap. After weeks of puttering away at my application, I finally had a phone interview with and was later hired by Montana Conservation Corps to do conservation work, help with research, restore natural habitats, and other awesome stuff. I'll be based in Bozeman, about an hour north of Yellowstone. From there, I'll head out with a small crew for about 10 days at a time, camp in the wilderness while working, then return to the metropolis of 30K people for four days to recharge. Repeat for five months.
Awesome. Now I have a reason to lift weights before going, because I'll be lugging around 50 pounds or more of equipment/supplies a good chunk of the time. Regardless of weather. O_o Speaking of which, I'll be hitting up the local parks these next couple of weeks (starting tomorrow morning) to build up my endurance.
I'm so psyched, exclamation points fail to convey my excitement.
Not only do I love the chance to do something new (hey, that's the name of this blog), but I have a glimmer of hope, something I lacked just three short months ago. Instead of banging my head against the brick walls of Wake, I can hurl my body into the elements for the sake of nature. Whee!!! Plus, I'd like to parlay this experience into a job/career of service, which would thrill me to no end.
Then there are the photo opportunities I'm hoping to find, though I don't know how much I'll be able to post while there.
So there you have it. I'll be running around with my hair on fire for the next three weeks, but honestly, I can't wait to get started. This chance, this change comes not a moment too soon. What stinks is that I'll have to leave all the friends I've made this semester and socially start from scratch. I guess I'll have to try keeping in touch as best I can. And yet, my gut tells me I can't stay around Wake much more, using it as a source of company. I just realized that a two whole classes of Latin majors have declared and graduated in the period since my last Latin class in the fall of 2005. Kinda crazy. All that to say, I need to stop clinging to Wake and make a new life for myself.
I'm feeling low-key and reflective - well, more than usual, anyway - so here's a smattering of what's going on in my life.
On Sunday night/Monday morning we had a good bit of snow in Winston, which was fun to watch but not fun to drive in. I've driven in snow before, but somehow I managed to spin out on a highway ramp and do some significant damage to the rear driver's side. So now I have to deal with the crap of fixing it and all the joys that accompany responsibility: Find a place to get it fixed, the estimation, the rental car.... ugh.
Yesterday I was out taking care of the aforementioned crap when I saw a graveyard and went in on a whim. It was wonderful and peaceful: walking along in the midst of memories I'll never know. All the stories that lie in the dash between "Born on" and "Died on" - it's overwhelming and absorbing. Many stories are straightforward: So-and-so fought in Korea, married, had a child, died. This woman lived for 20 years after her husband died; that man survived a war but died soon after; and on the stories go. Sifting through Death's collection, though, it doesn't take long to find a story that prompts a question or reflection. There's the mother buried beside her then-six-year-old daughter who died in the same year... probably a car crash claimed both. There's the man who likely bought his thirtysomething younger brother a plot next to his own; the 22-year-old with an image of a VW bug on his gravestone; the woman with ceramic cats on hers.
Of course, it's hard to visit a graveyard without thinking of your own mortality. While most of the dead spent at least 60 years above the ground, others had their time cut short at 44, 37, 24, even 18. I've lived longer than the last two listed, and every breath seems to remind me that the next one isn't guaranteed. I recently told my counselor that not too long ago I saw death as a possible escape from life; now it scares me more than anything. I can't bear the thought of ending my story right now; I need to emerge from this mire first!
So, it's off to deal with the mire. I hope your respective "dashes" are going along well - just don't dash through them too fast!
You folks out there must be thinking, "What? Three posts in a single calendar month? Someone get a hold of this man and throw him in the looney bin, because that's not the Matt Barham I know!" What can I say - I'm living dangerously these days.
...which would explain why I have multiple cuts on my hands and legs of jello... but yet I couldn't feel better!
Let me back up. When I realized I'd have some extra time on my hands this week, I thought I'd go hiking around Pilot Mountain but didn't get around to it until this morning. And let me tell you, this was the worst job of preparation I've ever done for a hike: I failed to check the weather, which meant I didn't bring my hat or an appropriate rain coat, so of course it rained on me. Then I somehow brought three pairs of uncharged batteries for my camera, so I have exactly zero pictures to show for my efforts, plus my cell phone died on the way up. But I soldiered on despite these disappointing revelations, and proceeded to have a blast. The biggest surprise of the day came when I found a group of hundreds of ladybugs, just chillin' out in the rocks like it was the most natural thing in the world. I dunno about you, but a mountain in 50-degree weather is not where I'd go if I were a ladybug. Not that I often daydream about being a ladybug...
It was nice being out in the rain because, even though I got soaking wet by the end of the morning, nobody else was around. This meant I could have humorous conversations with myself and not worry about weird looks from other hikers, plus I could have a little fun striking poses on the tops of outcroppings and singing goofy renditions of "Climb Ev'ry Mountain." The biggest downside to the rain and fog (besides the obvious) was that I managed to get lost for about 15 minutes because I couldn't find the trail down. Since I was climbing around the knob, which is a circular formation, I figured I'd eventually find the trail back and be on my way. Unfortunately, I missed the trail and didn't know it until I started seeing some familiar formations and trees, at which point I had to backtrack, second-guessing myself every step of the way and unable to re-orient myself because I couldn't see the sun or anything else over 50 feet away. Oh well, I found my way back.
All in all, a good day. Now if I just had some pictures...
I've always thought of myself as someone with eclectic music preferences, but my library mostly consists of classical pieces and movie soundtracks, making my claim of eclecticity dubious at best. But I dug out my Christmas present of music download gift cards, and now I can legitimately claim to like most anything. Here are my selections from last night:
Lose Yourself (from 8Mile)
Eminem
YMCA
Village People
Rock And Roll
Led Zeppelin
You Know My Name (from Casino Royale)
Chris Cornell
My Girl
The Temptations
You've Got A Friend In Me (from Toy Story) Randy Newman
Mad World (from Donnie Darko)
Michael Andrews
Take On Me
a-ha
Flying Theme(from E.T.)
Boston Pops
So there you have it. Rap, oldies, classic rock, 80's synth pop, depressing, uplifting, feel good and contemporary rock, all here. Oh, and YMCA.
Just something on my mind as the evening winds down...
Why is the boldest course of action the easiest to envision but the hardest to enact? It's easy enough to think about dropping everything and running off to travel the world, or volunteering for some relief/aid agency in a remote corner of the globe, or telling someone what I really think/feel about him/her, but no, I stay in safety. I tolerate the annoying customer, I smile at the jerk and treat with mere friendliness the girl I want to ask out; I remain with my job, my apartment, my shell.
Is it better to stay this way? I do take pride in my ability to approach most things diplomatically, to rationally examine alternate and opposing thoughts or actions and determine the merits and disadvantages of each. Yet sometimes I feel shackled to civility. Most of the time I'm Spock, and that's fine; I just wanna be Kirk on occasion. I guess it boils down to a desire to express myself honestly to the rest of the world. Perhaps I should maintain the Vulcan commitment to logic and emotional control when I'm talking politics or making decisions and open up more when dealing with matters of the heart.
Well, I suppose that's it for now. I hope to write more often in 2009, so stay tuned!
