Hecticity Squared

My title is referring to my sister's latest post. Unfortunately, I'm afraid my running around isn't nearly as fun as Jen's; more like just running to keep from being swallowed. Since classes started, I've had one solo project and one group project, caught a nasty cold, applied for Wake in Washington (the internship available to ten students next semester), started contra dancing and made a ton of new friends. At work I've handled a few ball pythons, chased down skinks, geckos and tree frogs, had a hamster lick my nose, and befriended a young macaw (yours for only $550), not to mention my coworkers.

But that's just the run of the mill. There are simply too many things to do! Clean the house, and the clutter of dirty dishes, laundry and mail seems to reappear within minutes. Try to attend one cultural event (like a classical guitarist or Van Cliburn), and five more come along that are out of my reach due to time constraints. My finances are recovering from the summer's expenditures; I want desperately to keep up with politics at all levels from the university up; my room is in permanent disarray. Oh, and let's not forget the 31-year old who asked me out even though she is the mother of an eighth-grader! I hate shooting people down.

What weighs heavy on my mind now, though, dwarfs all these things. For years I've carefully managed this issue, and every time it's come up I've come away just fine. But not this time.

I'm just not sure any more if God is there.

I've been plagued with serious doubt for the last month, and I don't know exactly why. Reading Christopher Hitchens' God Is Not Great hasn't been helping me either. For once in my life, I just don't know if the God I grew up with really exists. I guess I'm just uncertain whether God made the world or not, and that's always been my basis for belief.

I need to hit the sack, but I needed to get that off my chest. Take care, everyone.